With the go-home show of Raw in the books, Wrestlemania is pretty much set. Before I get into my three part Wrestlemania preview though, did you hear the news? Brock Lesnar re-signed! I’m so excited I could suplex John Cena. It opens up so many more possibilities for the title match, and I plan to go into those when talking about the Main Events. But first, there’s the Undercard, a mishmash of matches involving lots of people who have nothing better to do.
Four Way Tag Team Title Match
Well, this match has already been demoted to the preshow, so that’s a bummer. Tyson Kidd and Cesaro are two of the most under-utilized guys on the roster, especially the Swiss Superman. Cesaro is someone who should be challenging Brock Lesnar, not selling to a midget in a bull costume. Seriously, just think for a moment of Cesaro and Brock throwing each other around the ring… that would be awesome. Maybe in time…
There are other teams involved, but really, who cares? The Usos are good, very good even, but one of them is hurt and they’re getting a bit routine. The New Day is a huge waste of talent, and Los Matadores are a comedy act. With a midget in a bull costume. Whom I LOVE, by the way. But Los Matadores and New Day have no business being champion and the we’re all still a bit burned out from the Usos.
The tag team scene in came to a crashing halt last year after a really strong period with The Shield, The Wyatt’s, Team Hell No, and the Uso’s. Now the tag teams are reduced to racial stereotypes or buried by commentary (Hi Ascension!). Where does the division go from here? No idea unless some of the NXT guys get called up as a team.
Prediction: The Brass Ring Club, Cesaro and Tyson Kidd.
Andre The Giant Memorial Battle Royale
In what should have been a career-defining moment, Cesaro slammed the Big Show out of the ring last year to win the inaugural ATGMBR. His complete and utter mishandling after his win has dulled my anticipation for this match. What does the winner get exactly? A trophy and a few weeks of relevance before creative doesn’t have anything for him? Oh, and don’t forget being told to stop doing the things that made him popular, then having Vince McMahon telling the world that he doesn’t connect with the audience.
Unfortunately for the likely winner, it’s all to easy to see those things happening, mostly because it’s already happened to him before. Damien Mizdow has had more start/stop pushes then anyone not named Dolph Ziggler. He gets pushed as an intellectual, then jobs out to everyone. He wins the Money in the Bank, and becomes the first person to lose the match. He wins the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royale, and in two months he’s going to be doing comedy with Hornswaggle or something.
With 20 guys, there’s always more than one possible winner. After Mizdow, the guy who makes the most sense it Ryback. It would make a pretty good story for him to get a big win at Wrestlemania after the Survivor Series fallout. And Ryback isn’t the worst guy in the world at what he does, so I would be okay with this. The other option is a big dark horse, and that’s Adrian Neville. NXT will be having a tournament to determine who gets to participate in the Battle Royale and Neville has been rumored to come up to the main roster for a while. If they want to do an “overcoming the odds” gimmick with him, beating 19 other men in his first match would be a good start.
You know, the more I think about it, the more I’m talking myself out of Mizdow winning.
Prediction: Ryback, after Miz and Mizdow eliminate each other and Neville surprise eliminates the Big Show.
AJ Lee and Paige vs. The Bella Twins.
AJ and Paige can go in the ring, and the Bella keep getting better. If we’re only getting one Diva’s match, I’d rather it be this then some clusterfuck 10 person tag or Battle Royale with a bunch of untalented and dangerous workers. And thanks to the #GiveDivasAChance, it’s possible this won’t be given a death slot before the main event, and they might get some time to do something good.
I have high hopes for the quality of this match, I really think it could rival the best Wrestlemania women’s matches, not that there’s a lot of competition. Mickie James vs. Trish Stratus and… um… yeah, that’s pretty much it. The quality is going to depend on things out of their control though. Give them as much time as Paige and Nikki had on Raw, and this could be really good.
… ah fuck it, who am I kidding?
Prediction: The Bella Twins, after a two minute match that got cut for time because HHH’s entrance took 25 minutes.
Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton
Calling this an undercard match is probably not giving the wrestlers involved their proper dues, but I wanted one more match for this section, and this is the only match left without something at stake. Rollins and Orton are definitely main eventers, and the build has been good enough, but something about this match leaves me less then thrilled.
Maybe it’s Randy Orton’s recent performances at Wrestlemania, which have been less than stellar. Orton isn’t a bad wrestler, but he is kind of boring when not RKOing people. Seeing how this is Rollin’s first solo Wrestlemania match, I’m hoping Orton has his working boots on and they deliver a good performance. Or maybe it’s the story they’re telling, which is essentially two kids arguing over who daddy HHH likes best. We do get some J&J Security though, which should be suitably awesome.
This is one of the harder matches to predict. Logic says Rollins should win since Rollins is fucking awesome and is the future. On the other hand, Orton still has many years left on him, so a win here isn’t completely uncalled for either. On the other-other hand, Orton doesn’t seem to have a problem losing to up-and-comers. He put over Bryan on his run to the title and put over Reigns before Reigns got hurt. On the other-other-other hand, Rollins has the Money in the Bank briefcase, and the WWE writers seem to think if you have a prop like a belt or a briefcase you don’t need to ever win a match.
The briefcase for a guaranteed title shot presents other possibilities. Mainly, is Rollins going to cash it in after the main event? If that’s the plan, Rollins will almost certainly lose, because why get make one guy look really good when you can make two guys look kinda good, right WWE writers? This will be speculated more when talking about the Main Events, but it’s something we can’t forget about.
Prediction: Randy Orton
Coming on Thursday, Part 2 of my Wrestlemania preview: The Midcard